I died last night

I woke up with a start at precisely 4:46am this morning. I forgot my dream the moment I woke up, then I remembered dying in it. I got up, pee-ed and went back to sleep.

I often don't remember my dreams and when I do I only remember them in figments. But this dream, I haven't managed to get my mind of it the whole day. So I dreammood.com-ed it. And I found this:

Death
To dream of your own death, indicates a transitional phase in your life. You are becoming more enlightened or spiritual. Alternatively, you are trying desperately to escape the demands of your daily life.

By means of trial and error I decided it has to be the first thing, cause there's nothing in my life that I'm running from - I've been daaaaaamn slack the past two days. (: Dreams are interesting.

I <3 the holidays

This week has been a barrel of fun.

First was poker night with charbee & co on monday.
(although we did play more heart attack then poker - it was still damn fun)

My dear secret santa - Koh Weiming - got me a pretty white handbag, just like I wanted. And above all that, he borrowed the trilogy for me (: so sweet lah. Heartxzxzx. And I'm glad that he liked his tee shirt.

On Thursday night it was potluck x'mas gathering night at Clara's place. That was fun too. Her dad made this awesome oriental turkey dish. Wahhhh, the turkey was succulent and sweet and so damn bloody good. (: We also played twister till all my limbs hurt like shite.

Tiffany was my secret santa at this one and she got me a pretty pretty notebook.

Next up was saturday night with ju and moo. We went for Indie night at Home club. That went really well. I love dancing to indie, you can really let loose and invent your own steps, no one really cares. Took many many crazy clubbing peektures. <3

Finally, to wrap it all up, I went with my aunties for a christmas bash at one of their friend's places last night. And because there were so many people and everyone got kind of bored at around 10pm (adults don't play games like we do) they decided to check out St. James Power Station. So I was like, what the hell, everything's free anyway (cause my aunties were around) how bad can it get right. And I'm glad I went. It was great (: nothing ventured, nothing gained right?

For those of you mountain turtles who haven't heard of St. James, its this new place just behind Vivo City. Its like twice the size of MOS and has like 10 rooms or something. But only 4 have opened so far - they're opening them one by one. Oh and they have a nice website - http://www.stjamespowerstation.com/

We stayed in Movida for most of the night, its the world music room. They had this fantasteeeeeeek live Cuban/Brazilian band, who had a hot keyboardist (: and a very very sexy female singer who can dance exactly like Shakira. Damn entertaining. And in between their sets, they had great music to dance to. Wah, I feel like an energizer bunny, clubbed two nights in a row and I'm not even really tired.

This has been a great week. I'm so full of lurve. <3 <3 I'll be going to KL this Thursday. So eggciting. (: It feels so good to surround yourself with people that you love and just enjoy yourself - I actually think that it's the best feeling in the world. MERRY CHRISTMAS Y'ALL.

nothingness

Nothing makes sense anymore. I'm so jaded by everything and I don't feel anything. I need to feel something. Make me feel something won't you? I hate this feeling and the worst part is that I don't know how I got here or how to get out of it.

wishlist

Dear Secret Santa,

cheeeebai, don't so impatient la. Nnngh people damn busy right.

But I still lubch u cause u are in charbee & co (: I just had to make abit of noise.

Wishlist

Books:

• "How to walk in high heels" By Camilla Morton
• "Fragile things" By Neil Gaiman
• "Singapore Girl" By James Eckart

Other things:

• New Snuggie - I want a hoodie, Baggy please so an L or an XL. Something plain and comfy, preferably in black.
• A white bag - Something that's leathery, no cloth please. Fairly large, can fit A4 file and stuff.
  
• A pretty calendar for next year - I don't have one yet. Those kind you hang on the wall k.
  

That's it. If one present is too cheap you ARE GIVEN PERMISSION to buy me two (: (:

So Eggciting. Love love.

love

I deleted my old post, it was just one of those emo nights you know. When you're listening to snow patrol and your life seems to crumble around you - leaving you in this little shitpile. But I'm ok. I spent 3 nights at the hospital this week. Thursday night with my aunty, she was having sudden heart palpitations and she was kept for observation the entire night, till like 5am friday morning. Thanks for all the love guys, she's fine. :) She's fine enough to have taken a flight back to indo this morning. She'll be back to 2 weeks time, for the xmas hols.

Then yesterday my grandpa went in for an operation. Standard procedure and all, old man with urinary track problems, all you young boys out there, beware. Urinary track problems in old men are very common. So his operation went fine and he's in stable condition. I more or less spent the entire weekend in the hospital. He should be out of it by Wed. :)

I know they're fine and all but just the thought of seeing your loved ones going into the hospital is scary. Hospitals are such evil places. I sound like such a bimbo. Love, love :)

philosphy and shit

Well, today I was discussing my take on life with an old friend - on msn. And like he said, "we all live life with a different philosphy"; so here's a look at mine.

I believe in living a life without regret. Now, though alot of people say that and some of you may think that its a cliche, I sincerely believe in it. Its really very simple, because I'm focused on living without regrets, when I think about doing things - I mean like important decision, I simply consider the result - will I regret doing/not doing it? And I know myself well enough to know the answer to that question. If I will regret doing it, I won't do it la - and vice versa. Simple right?

Its a very basic philosophy, but so far its proven to be effective and I seriously have no regrets, about anything. And I hate it when people say that they have regrets - I mean you regret it so much, you should have never have done it in the first place. We are all conscious, decision - making humans - the idea of regret is stupid.

I also don't believe in the concept of sympathy. I know that I'm very soft hearted and I give in to people rather easily - but I don't feel sorry for anyone - and I think it's because I don't expect anyone to feel sorry for me. I believe in basic human respect and I think sympathy is demeaning and it makes people lose their respect for you.

These are some of my strongest stands on life and I don't expect everyone to agree with me, but in my own little world, they both make perfect sense.

Wahhh, this entry very depth.

Vanessa: There, posted already!!
Noo: Yeah I know. ahaha. SELAMAT HARI RAYA, yea I know it's abit late also.
Gwynnnnnn: me tooooooo!!!
Anon: Hahahaha no la, the ages are all correct.
Mavis: Oh thank you darling. Maybe its just cause I'm a hot supermodel - we all are right??

fucking tired

I'm so fucking tired. Tomorrow night I am just going to come home and die on my bed. But till then, I am going to continue pushing myself, cause I'm not just human. I'm superhuman lor.

it's deepavali again!!

HAHAHAHA. This is ridiculous.
(And I changed the last picture cause I didn't like the other one.)

I love Deepavali. I love all the dressing up, all the food and all the visiting. Today was full of things that I love. I ate like a fucking pig la. Had breakfast, some sweet stuff in the temple, had lunch, had more sweet stuff at my grand aunty's house, had dinner, sweet stuff for desert and then I decided to have some tandoori chicken that was left over. OMG alot right. And there's still alot of food all over the place. I'm disgusted with how much I ate.

Happy Deepavali
(These are the only people in my house who had on traditional outfits,
my mom, cousin and grandpa couldn't be bothered.)

I still love these things

1. My ex is still...
on my msn list.

2. I am listening to...
Kasabian's new album.

3. Maybe I should...
help my grandma make deepavali cookies.

4. I love...
my deepavali outfit.

5. My best friend...
I don't really have one, I've been blessed with a few :)

6. I don't understand...
what's wrong with having (a little) more flesh then other girls.

7. I lost...
myself along the way, but I think I'm slowly finding myself again.

8. People say...
that looks aren't important, but of course they are.

9. The meaning of my screen name is...
that when I was creating tearingmascara (it started off with this blog) I had a fight with my ex and my mascara was runny.

10. Love is...
something that I want to feel as intensely as I did before again.

11. Somewhere, someone is...
complaining about the smelly haze.

12. I will always...
be a little bitch, I can't help it.

13. Forever seems...
so far away. I'd like to think that some things will last for my forever - cause that's all that'll matter to me.

14. I never ever want to...
be so caught up with things that I forget who I am again.

15. My cell phone is...
gorgeous and big.

16. When I woke up this morning...
I felt so satisfied - cause I slept like a pig.

17. I get annoyed...
when people start talking rubbish.

18. Parties are...
boring, mostly.

19. My pet(s) are...
non existent.

20. Kisses are the best when...
they're with someone you love.

21. Today I...
am going for a haircut.

22. Tomorrow I will...
start school. :(

23. I really want...
to get into NUS next year.

7 random things about myself:
1. i love cereal and milk. With sliced bananas and raisins.
2. i like having little bags, like one for my mp3 player, one for my makeup, one for my pads - all in my big bag.
3. i love notebooks.
4. i like to clean - there's something satisfying about having a clean drawer/cupboard/room at the end.
5. i'm always shaking my ass to the music.
6. i have a love hate relationship with my contact lens.
7. i hate being vulnerable and I avoid it at all costs.

7 things that scare me:
1. cockroaches
2. big fat ugly flying insects
3. being so fat that I'll need to buy two seats in a plane
4. being teased till I cry - eh its happened before ok, a long long time ago
5. noises in the dark
6. my anger - I'm not an angry person but when I do get angry, I scare myself
7. how I'm so stubborn about being strong, I'm always taking care of people, but I don't let many take care of me.

7 random songs at the moment:
1. Post Blue - Placebo
2. Promises - Cranberries
3. Cats in the Cradle - Guns n Roses
4. Your kisses are wasted on me - The Pipettes
5. Kiss you off - Scissor Sisters
6. Ooh la - The Kooks
7. Apnoea - Kasabian

7 things I like most:
1. dancing
2. cats
3. tarot
4. laughing
5. shopping
6. music
7. being my own person

I'm back darlings

[I love you - The Pipettes]

I'm so damn hot.

After not blogging for like a month, I've decided to go ahead and start doing it again. So, I haven't really had a holiday and school starts on Monday - DAMN SAD LA, CAN. After the 5 month internship, I had a 2 week break, which was ok, went to HK and slacked abit. Then I took up the 1 month Chalrton Media Job offer, cause I calculated another 2 week break before school started.

BUT then I got this email that convex is starting 2 weeks early. AND BOY DID IT START. Its all that I've been doing for the past 2 weeks. I feel robbed. So violated. This just has to be the saddest thing that has happened to me in a long time. Everytime I start to think about it, I find myself pouting - and pouting is unglam, it'll give you wrinkles.

I don't want school to start. I don't want to see you. I want to spend more time with you guys. I don't want to have a large workload. I don't want to wake up early and spend my days(& nights) in Ngee Ann. I don't give a fuck about how whiny this post is. I'm clearly unhappy.

Oh on another note, so pretty right the polka dots. Took a break between doing convex to do this skin. Ok back to convex now. I love my life.