Busy busy busy

I haven't been this busy in ages. There's school - which has very little contact time but LOADS of stuff for me to do at my own study time which has been allocated to 3 days. Then there's work which takes up 2 days. And all the leftover time is FOR FRIENDS. (: I have to meet some people on a weekly basis - Charbs & co and Sam. For where would I be without them?

I want to take pictures of everything these days. I think I should start carrying my camera around.

Delusion

[Gravity's Rainbow - The Klaxons (remixed by Soulwax)]

Sometimes I feel like I keep myself busy and surrounded with people whom I know love me so that I can be in denial about the people who I wished would love me and I'm such a good bluffer that everyone doesn't even know I want to be loved by them.

Why is it that it's so hard for people to love those who love them and just be content. Again and again I hear of people or meet people with the same core problem. Wanting to be loved by someone who will probably never love them the way they deserve to be loved. I am a victim of it as well. We all are, in one way or another. We let our hearts be trampled over, let our brains be mindfucked and all for what?

To have an epiphany at the end of the day that it all wasn't worth it. That the pain wasn't worth the meager amount of "love", or whatever else you think you might have received from that person.

Is it really a learning process if you start to see pattern in the way you choose people to love? No. Doing the same thing twice and expecting different results is insanity, Einstein said something to that effect.

This is what happens when you study till late in the night and take a cab home alone - your brain goes into over-fucking-drive. Now I am going to attempt to sleep. G'night everyone.

"You'll soon know whether or not it's a delusion." I hope it isn't.

My straw hat

I have a straw hat that I think is too dressy to wear on the streets of Singapore. Thus I have only worn it out once since I got it in BKK. But then I chanced upon these pictures on Style.com today:

Though these 2 ladies are wearing it in the scorching heat, the only place I go to in the day is school (and although I am daring, I am NOT gg to wear it to school). I am inspired - my hat is EXACTLY like the one in the 2nd pic. I shall wear it out soon. Loud and proud bitches, loud and proud. (:

One night

I'm a mirror. I'm a good mirror. I always mirror what people do if I want to be friends with that person. If I don't like that person I do the exact opposite of what they are doing. I am not an initiator, I am not aggressive. I am a passive mirror. I've got to stop being a silly schoolgirl.

BEAT! was last night. And it was fun (:

These pictures (taken from Ade's facebook) shows two things.

1) We had a great time (:
2) Ade really wants me.

Veiny hearts

[The ghost of you lingers - Spoon]

I have learnt certain things along the way.

Like family sometimes is not the one you are born into but the ones you meet along the way and you feel as though you belong with them. Like nothing should ever tear you apart because that would be devastating.

Or chocolate and green tea are two of the best things in the world. Or that watching Sex and the City is one of the best things that I have done in my life because I've learnt something about everything from that series - so educational.

Another thing that I've come to realise is that I do not look old for my age. I am just too calm, collected and well behaved for it. People have this general perception that all 20 year olds have their heads in the clouds, they don't dress very well because all they wear are jeans that are too tight and too low and they do not know how to behave in a civilised manner.

I personally can understand this perception because I often find myself giving slightly younger people/ people my age that glare - the one that would kill people if looks could kill, because they can be so freaking annoying.

So no longer will I be insulted by the fact that NO ONE ever guesses that I am 20. I shall take it as a compliment. Because in society (no matter how much women deny it) being older often has its benefits and I should really stop worrying about looking younger. I think I look fine just the way I am, thank you.

How totally random this post is. But seriously, as Kelso in That 70's show always says, Life is a beauty contest. And though looks alone will not get you through life, having some never works against you. And I cannot stand people who go around acting as if that's a lie! Go on, give yourself that makeover, chop your hair, wax your legs, be confident, stand up straight and make yourself feel good.

Confidence is not the only thing that's important, you have to dress the part as well. Don't talk to me if you are not worthy of my intellect and maturity. I'm just beginning to understand the reason alot of people find me intimidating and it might not be such a bad thing. If you are too scared to talk to me, you're probably not worth my time or effort anyway. Go find some dumb kid who will fall for you because I probably won't.

SPEAKING OF LOOKING GOOD, I HAVE A SHOPPING LIST!

1) More day dresses! Out of the 6 dresses that I bought in BKK (which are all fab by the way) only 2 can be seen in the light of day, the others are way too dressy. So 1 or 2 dresses would be nice (: Oh, bright colours for the dresses!

2) A pretty pretty hat, in black and white, or some cute colour.

3) Oxfords! The heeled ones are so freaking pretty but I know that I will not wear them because at the end of the day I am a creature of comfort. But here's a picture just for you to admire its beauty.

4) A gold ring. Big and pretty please.


5) A patent bag. Either in Black/Grey or an interesting colour - like this Prada one.

Gorgeous and fabulous.
I love fashion. I think its become a hobby!

Ade: SURE! Are you sure you're well enough though? We can go next week, update me alright.
Jules: Fuck to you. You have gigs to watch, all we have is Home to keep our sanity in this insanely mainstream music world.

OH MAVIS IS COMING HOME IN 6 DAYS! And HAPPY NATIONAL DAY (:

Its what you do to me

I think it was the copious amounts of gin that I drank last night. Someone once told me that Gin is the most depressing alcohol of the lot. I woke up sad and I've been feeling really really shitty the whole day. I don't know wtf is wrong - actually nothing is wrong but a lot of things are not right either. I need a hug and telling me you love me would be nice as well. I also miss charbee and co like balls. Can we please get together soon?

when nothing is beautiful anymore

What happens,
when you get bored?
Of all the things that used
to make you happy and smile?
Little things like sleeping in, silly boys
and big things like family and the idea of love.
What can you do to rekindle that flame
of passion you once felt for things -
for life itself, when living was
not such a burden.
It was a joy.

I was happy once.
Once seems like a long time ago.
These days being content is an achievement.

What to do?

GEMINI HOROSCOPE:

You need to take some calculated risks in an important relationship just now, because what you thought was unacceptable in a previous stage of your development is more than likely just exactly what you need now. Don't shy away from trying something new.

Hahahahahha omg. This is so freaking scary. This website has constantly shocked me by placing precisely what I'm thinking about on its pages.

Are you that somebody?