Delusion

[Gravity's Rainbow - The Klaxons (remixed by Soulwax)]

Sometimes I feel like I keep myself busy and surrounded with people whom I know love me so that I can be in denial about the people who I wished would love me and I'm such a good bluffer that everyone doesn't even know I want to be loved by them.

Why is it that it's so hard for people to love those who love them and just be content. Again and again I hear of people or meet people with the same core problem. Wanting to be loved by someone who will probably never love them the way they deserve to be loved. I am a victim of it as well. We all are, in one way or another. We let our hearts be trampled over, let our brains be mindfucked and all for what?

To have an epiphany at the end of the day that it all wasn't worth it. That the pain wasn't worth the meager amount of "love", or whatever else you think you might have received from that person.

Is it really a learning process if you start to see pattern in the way you choose people to love? No. Doing the same thing twice and expecting different results is insanity, Einstein said something to that effect.

This is what happens when you study till late in the night and take a cab home alone - your brain goes into over-fucking-drive. Now I am going to attempt to sleep. G'night everyone.

"You'll soon know whether or not it's a delusion." I hope it isn't.